Painter Files
Tag: ink
Painter files
There are these moments when the art overtakes me. It lives in the places my sleep should go and my mind wonders into the place of maybes and color wheels. This zone kind of works as a blessing and a curse. A blessing for creativity but a curse for letting my mind rest. Maybe I was made for a different time in art. When painters lived in studios and slept in sleeping bags on cold floors. I don’t think I would enjoy that now but I remember trying to live that way for a little while in my mid 20’s. Now I feel like my dog the first time I let her sleep on the bed. She is glued to the bed now….no going back. Heat in the Winter is a absolute now. Living like that gave me a lot of time to think about how I wanted to live and I feel like I’m mostly there now. Life is really being kind to me with Alec. She love sand wants me to be happy. I never imagined before this past the canvas. Life will make you be a part of it and if you let it you can enjoy it. When you enjoy it you will find a new way to be creative.
La Gama
We all just want to make good work and make a living at it. A forest of paper and canvas with skies full of clouds of inspiration and rivers of coffee and tea. The spirit animals of many a mind are in the nail bed tapping on the walls as silence is madness.
I loved this so much. It is the big new piece I made before this show in January. I have so much work always but it never feels like enough. I imagine that is normal.
Painter files 11/25/16
A lot of things going one this month coming up. I’m really hoping it all works out perfectly.
Mostly just trying to figure out what I want to teach.
I am a space rock
I wash in the middle of thinking about this day and I got sidelined. That happens some times. I get in the groove and then something reminds me of my Marley and I’m taken back. I don’t know that I’m ever going to be … great. I don’t know that I really want to be. Alec is so wonderful and she sees me drift and helps me when I come back. I have this way with me that wants to be here but is traveling through my timeline. That pain is my own personal magnet. It is a planet and I am a space rock. I’m working on living better in the now than being lost in my time.
I’m proud of this one. I feel like I’m getting so much better each time. Also all most at 100 subs. Please subscribe if you enjoy my videos. When I reach 100 I get my own personal web address rather than that long generic one they give.
later
Jaws
I never saw that finish line. I was the kid who walked the mile. It just seemed pointless to run to get to the starting point of a circle. The goal had no prize. Filling up a book with a pencil was like making my own trophy. And sadly, most people when I showed them as a kid felt the same way about a book of sketches as I did about running in circles. I guess I’m that type of artists. The one who saw kids playing and thought; this would be cooler with a dragon in the corner.
Anyways; it’s Dia De Los Muertos today and I’m thinking about my Avos and my Avas. I miss them. We didn’t really know each other deeply but they helped shape my life in ways. They taught me kindness, food, sometimes anger, bravery and lots of laughter. I have photos of them and a video of one of the last moments in the last month of mone’s life. The other I never met at all but his children shined thru him. And then there is my Marley. She only lived the tiniest of times but means so much to my heart. Parents are not meant to outlive their kids but it happens and you live in that truth. This day is special for me because it is a celebration are their greatness. How much love they had and how much love I gave. And my heart; she is exploding with love. Â She beats out the sadness with songs and joy and creativity.
I got into a show today. If you are in the area please come.
All the brush strokes are worlds
My demons are big. They are faceless and yet look like me every time I look in my dirty mirror. They have made me a hell of a fighter. I remember being a kid and not knowing how I felt about sadness and anger. I remember they just came on one day. It had nothing to do with the people who were around me over even the place I was in. I was the prisoner on Avalon and no one would ever be able to see.  It was a labyrinth and I learned to paint sunshine and flowers on the walls and make it my home.  I learned to be happy and calm without depending on others. Learning how to be creative without the sadness was the hardest part. The pain was my drive and when it lessened I felt like a fraud for a bit. I don’t know how I changed out of those robes. Nakedness is a good word. It was the definition of how I felt until I grew to love my nakedness. So raw and so tender like a 20-year sunburn.  I stopped being Jae Jae and let myself be Jawara. I grew my hair out again and let myself be who I felt like on the inside, a new outside. The journey of a painter guys is not an easy road. it never really gets to be an easy road. But it is so deep and empowering once you hit the ground and make your mark.
The heart and-and the darkness
The weird bit in my life was I never meant to remind people of Basquiat. It just kind of became a thing people saw in me. I remember in art school I hated that people put us in the same box. I felt it was a little racist at first but the more I educated myself the more I started to understand. We paint from the same place so to speak. The heart and-and the darkness are so opposite. Not a lot of people can think about both and not get stuck in this loop. I guess that is where we meet.
We both hate rules. The outlaw who ends ass up with bunny eared pockets feels more natural than still life paintings of fruit in bowls. I never felt like I wasn’t wasting a surface on potted plaint paintings.
I thankfully have not burned out thanks to my friends at 27. There were some years back when I was burning the candle to the nub. People need people. It’s simple but honest.
By the by,
as of this moment I have 71 YouTube suscribers and when I reach 100 subscribers I will unlock new features for my channel so I realy hope that happens. I just have this feeling I can do so much once this happens. It will be that wall I can keep tagging and the world will see it. Samo would have made it his by now.
So much making
I’m at this point where the pain is huge but I want to paint more then I want to rest and rub painkiller cream on the fun bits.
This rocking chair is like a base drum. As the beat hits, I am dancing in my blinks Light bulbs are the rhythm as I move in this motion to the cahone.
El pintor is greater than stupidity.
I feel like this is where my heart took me. That is felt the yellow ink in the paper and let it dance in the fibers. It was a freedom dance. I know the roads we walk as painters are long but in the soberness, they are also completely freeing. We are so much more than the brooding. It is a big part of it, don’t get me wrong but not the main part of it.
I realized that I shine because the people around me are so bright. I like to think we are each other’s lifelines. We have to be there for each other. Just know I have your back and hopefully you have mine.
jaws_blake 