I couldn’t sleep last night. It took me what felt like a life time to rest for a minute. It comes in waves. Years back when these moments attacked me I would stand up and paint until i couldn’t do anything but pass out. I’m not sure I will ever be that man again. He was insane and I’m only whiling to find madness it spurts. Art is my meditation and my drug…..plus drugs.
In my life I have been ….
a artist, a father,a worker, a dying man,a painter and husband……I am still happy most of those things. You have to put all of your self into what you do for it to mean something. Jaws Blake had to become fully one thing at a time even if that meant failing a lot. Failure is not the end of things but the best part of finally becoming a master of your own frustrations.
I remember the first time I saw myself as a painter. I was in a famous black professor of art’s studio. He took me under his wing. I’m not sure if he thought of it that way but I was swept up in the magic of the smells of his studio. Charles Rogers changed my life I those moments of simply saying “do you think it is done? Are you sure you feel done? Give me another hour of that painting.” It drove me to madness and in that madness I found my style. Now when I paint I search inside for the madness to lead me. The colors are the wild beast screaming just under me heart and fingers. They are a pipeline to restfulness. I can always tell a “real” painter from a talker of art because that madness is a drug I crave and it leave a look in the eyes. A hunger that needs more then food and sleep and sex. Honestly until my Alec nothing but the madness gave peace and rest. She saved me from me. I have to push my self to the edge of madness with the brush and her heart beat is my anchor.
My first job ever I was 15. I worked at a theme park taking pictures and developing 1,000 negatives a day. I have always loved cameras as long as I can remember. My mom had a old camera with lots of lens and a rainbow thread shoulder strap. Still to this day i wish she would give it to me. I’m not even sure it would still work but it was just so beautiful.
I remember the day in college I learned I would have to take pictures of my own work. I felt really nervous mainly because I had so many amazing friends who were photographers and I didn’t see my self as one anymore. There was this theory i subscribed to that said “you are only one thing 100% at a time.” Naturally I outgrew that but it took me a while.
I have so many cameras now but my new one is my Holga.
It is a very simple camera but it makes me happy and I figure that is the point.
big deals and stuff
So much of all these bits and pieces I paint I try to feel parts of me in. The lines are my mind’s footprints. 
going to try to make toys again.
I ran into some old Japanese toys I always wanted but could never have so I went out and grabbed 10lbs of clay. I’m excited and my mind is running with ways to make a statue/ figure that I can make like theirs but with my style. I figure I will if I love them ….sell them at shows.
I keep thinking something like this but for one of these
.
Plus I really want to make a bunch of toys. I have always dreamed of being a vinyl toy maker.
feeling the ink
I have had this year where I felt like I needed to hold back but I forgot that passion makes good art no matter what it is.
So much of me is tired of not being 100%
Crown of fingers
I’m really proud of how this turned out. It feels right.
Melli e um sonhador
Dreamers are the best. They see past all the shallow words and images they just feel. Painting is dreaming on a canvas.
Deep in the mind soup
- I am a painter. I always have been for as long as I can remember. My parents were always really supportive of my paint. Not always on my subject matter but completely on my passion. I remember being in high school and being told to “be a machenic so I could make money.” My mom told me “to be an artist” because I loved it so I did. I took breaks in my life but I have always comeback to it and it has done me well.
jaws_blake 