All the brush strokes are worlds

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My demons are big. They are faceless and yet look like me every time I look in my dirty mirror. They have made me a hell of a fighter. I remember being a kid and not knowing how I felt about sadness and anger. I remember they just came on one day. It had nothing to do with the people who were around me over even the place I was in. I was the prisoner on Avalon and no one would ever be able to see.  It was a labyrinth and I learned to paint sunshine and flowers on the walls and make it my home.  I learned to be happy and calm without depending on others. Learning how to be creative without the sadness was the hardest part. The pain was my drive and when it lessened I felt like a fraud for a bit. I don’t know how I changed out of those robes. Nakedness is a good word. It was the definition of how I felt until I grew to love my nakedness. So raw and so tender like a 20-year sunburn.  I stopped being Jae Jae and let myself be Jawara. I grew my hair out again and let myself be who I felt like on the inside, a new outside. The journey of a painter guys is not an easy road. it never really gets to be an easy road. But it is so deep and empowering once you hit the ground and make your mark.

The heart and-and the darkness

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The weird bit in my life was I never meant to remind people of Basquiat. It just kind of became a thing people saw in me. I remember in art school I hated that people put us in the same box. I felt it was a little racist at first but the more I educated myself the more I started to understand. We paint from the same place so to speak. The heart and-and the darkness are so opposite. Not a lot of people can think about both and not get stuck in this loop. I guess that is where we meet.

We both hate rules. The outlaw who ends ass up with bunny eared pockets feels more natural than still life paintings of fruit in bowls. I never felt like I wasn’t wasting a surface on potted plaint paintings.

I thankfully have not burned out thanks to my friends at 27. There were some years back when I was burning the candle to the nub. People need people. It’s simple but honest.

By the by,

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as of this moment I have 71 YouTube suscribers and when I reach 100 subscribers I will unlock new features for my channel so I realy hope that happens. I just have this feeling I can do so much once this happens. It will be that wall I can keep tagging and the world will see it. Samo would have made it his by now.

 

Painter files: Fireflies on the moon

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We all want to be an indie song. We want to be a secret favorite of everyone that no one knows is really popular. That is my nature. To make these huge statements with ink and paint and not give deep long answers to what they mean at all and just let you think about them and make up your own narrative but I would love to secretly read chat room arguments on what it means to you conflicting to the screen name across the world. I daydream about the day when I’m so busy someone sees me on the street and goes “wait is that , that guy who did that painting?”  I want to be the atom in the scarlet. I didn’t come up with that I heard it in a song from a movie but it stuck with me and my mind ran with it. That is what I want to be with paint. A song in your head.

So much making

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I’m at this point where the pain is huge but I want to paint more then I want to rest and rub painkiller cream on the fun bits.

This rocking chair is like a base drum. As the beat hits, I am dancing in my blinks Light bulbs are the rhythm as I move in this motion to the cahone.

 

El pintor is greater than stupidity.

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I feel like this is where my heart took me. That is felt the yellow ink in the paper and let it dance in the fibers. It was a freedom dance. I know the roads we walk as painters are long but in the soberness, they are also completely freeing. We are so much more than the brooding. It is a big part of it, don’t get me wrong but not the main part of it.

I realized that I shine because the people around me are so bright. I like to think we are each other’s lifelines. We have to be there for each other. Just know I have your back and hopefully you have mine.

 

I stopped my Inktober

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for those of us who know me you know how my Friday went.

I was towed while I was in a restaurant in their parking lot because they like to tow Black People. I got my car back free but I have to argue with them for 3 hours. I know some people will not get this and how it hurt me. Not every person understands how it is to be a target of racial profiling. I’m glad if you have never felt what it is like to be a victim. It is awful and you feel helpless. You can’t really react naturally because there is a small chance if the cops show up you could be seen as hostile and either me arrested or shot. You go from victim to criminal very fast.

I’m coming back to painting soon but I needed a few days to make peace with myself for taking a safe path.

It would have been so easy to get lost in the anger.

The short story is

The restaurant confused me with another Black Person who walked off the lot an hour before I got there and was gone before I arrived and then towed me as I ate at the restaurant.  They too cover their ass after figuring out they massively fucked up made up a new story about how the property manager told me I was going to be towed for walking off the lot (which I never did. We walked into the restaurant from our car). They meant to tow a white car and mine is black but we are both Black people. They then tried to make me pay for my car for 3 hours until one of my best friends called her sister who is an attorney in Maryland (I live in Maryland.) With the chance of being sued, they gave me back my car and confessed to the lie completely over the phone.  We might take legal action.

Life is hard for every person but every person doesn’t have to deal with racial discrimination.

I promise to get back soon to painting but I need a minute.

later

Jaws

All the makings

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I make because I love. lol Sounds like pooping.

 

Inktober update. 

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So this is harder than I thought it would be. I’m stead making but I’m not loving every day of ink so far. 

I think my videos are going to charge a bit. I’m going to do vlogs more to let you know what I’m up to. 

Also my dog is old and slowing down so I’m busier away from the brush being a pup/cat/husband. 

I have lots of art projects I hope you will enjoy coming your way.

Later,

Jãws

Inktober

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Inktober is a game we illustrators play in the month of October. 30 days of ink illustrations.

My first illustration I have chosen to do is, El Santos. He reminds me of my Grandma. We used to watch wrestling together as a kid. She would yell and scream and throw things at the tv. It still lives in my mind as a great past time.

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Deeper in the inks video

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