Tag: pinup

I never learned anything the first time.

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In my life, I have ignored a lot of life lessons people had given to me at first. As I have gotten older I have to know now to open my mind and ears. Not all voices are good advice from other people. Most advice is less about me than it is about people taking to themselves. Also, sadly lots of the advice people have given me would only work if I was a white dude. People don’t like to admit that what works for white dudes doesn’t work to strive in life for people of color. I’m pointing this out as Afro -Carribean-Latino man in Black history month who is 35. So I have lived for a bit and tried this advice many times and mostly failed. Not to say I have not had little victories. I’m here …doing all these paintings with all my fans worldwide but as look at Jean-Michael Basquiat and see his struggles as a man of color being a maker and I see parallels. I don’t want that life but I wonder how does a man of color makes it big in the art world other than to meet an icon and then climb to equality? Is that even equality? I say, Andy Warhol and people, nod their heads ad I say Basquiat and I get back blank faces. It is disheartening. I think of Baldwin who made it on his own and how much waring he had to do and all I think to do is prep myself for a fight to be heard and seen as an equal.

Bloody fists can be paintbrushes too.

It will be sad to see you go but staying and not seeing is worse.

The show and the reverse world

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I met great people…so many great people. I feel a new kind of inspiration. family-ties4371-prints

Pancakes and Booze DC 2017

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The time is almost here. The show is in two days…..I have a bunch of zines and paintings. This is going to be a big step for me. This might be the biggest show I have ever been in.  I’m a little nervous.

the original kiddo

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The best things come in the latest of night. It has this part to it that awakens in the moments when your brain yawns.

I remember painting like this when I was younger. These teeth and tongues were the mainstage a few times.

The crown of feels

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Finding focus in the new year.

I had to stop watching the news for a few days to find my focus. The newspaper I feel has more heart to it. Being able to put it to words has a strength to it, a passion. I remember being a kiddo and finding these “choose your adventure books” in the 80’s. After I would finish them, I would feel superpowered with creativity. I would draw all the things I had imagined, most had nothing to do with what I was reading. It’s funny to read a dictionary and imagine a new comic book.  To see a new world inside and to be able to make it a real thing.

 

Deep Sleepers

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Once there was a boy and he loved paint. It was all his heart wanted and then he met people and he became a time painter.

 

Painter Files

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Painter files

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There are these moments when the art overtakes me. It lives in the places my sleep should go and my mind wonders into the place of maybes and color wheels. This zone kind of works as a blessing and a curse. A blessing for creativity but a curse for letting my mind rest. Maybe I was made for a different time in art. When painters lived in studios and slept in sleeping bags on cold floors. I don’t think I would enjoy that now but I remember trying to live that way for a little while in my mid 20’s. Now I feel like my dog the first time I let her sleep on the bed. She is glued to the bed now….no going back. Heat in the Winter is a absolute now. Living like that gave me a lot of time to think about how I wanted to live and I feel like I’m mostly there now. Life is really being kind to me with Alec. She love sand wants me to be happy. I never imagined before this past the canvas. Life will make you be a part of it and if you let it you can enjoy it. When you enjoy it you will find a new way to be creative.

La Gama

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We all just want to make good work and make a living at it. A forest of paper and canvas with skies full of clouds of inspiration and rivers of coffee and tea. The spirit animals of many a mind are in the nail bed tapping on the walls as silence is madness.

I loved this so much. It is the big new piece I made before this show in January. I have so much work always but it never feels like enough. I imagine that is normal.

All the brush strokes are worlds

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My demons are big. They are faceless and yet look like me every time I look in my dirty mirror. They have made me a hell of a fighter. I remember being a kid and not knowing how I felt about sadness and anger. I remember they just came on one day. It had nothing to do with the people who were around me over even the place I was in. I was the prisoner on Avalon and no one would ever be able to see.  It was a labyrinth and I learned to paint sunshine and flowers on the walls and make it my home.  I learned to be happy and calm without depending on others. Learning how to be creative without the sadness was the hardest part. The pain was my drive and when it lessened I felt like a fraud for a bit. I don’t know how I changed out of those robes. Nakedness is a good word. It was the definition of how I felt until I grew to love my nakedness. So raw and so tender like a 20-year sunburn.  I stopped being Jae Jae and let myself be Jawara. I grew my hair out again and let myself be who I felt like on the inside, a new outside. The journey of a painter guys is not an easy road. it never really gets to be an easy road. But it is so deep and empowering once you hit the ground and make your mark.