Tag: Portuguese

Painter files

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There are these moments when the art overtakes me. It lives in the places my sleep should go and my mind wonders into the place of maybes and color wheels. This zone kind of works as a blessing and a curse. A blessing for creativity but a curse for letting my mind rest. Maybe I was made for a different time in art. When painters lived in studios and slept in sleeping bags on cold floors. I don’t think I would enjoy that now but I remember trying to live that way for a little while in my mid 20’s. Now I feel like my dog the first time I let her sleep on the bed. She is glued to the bed now….no going back. Heat in the Winter is a absolute now. Living like that gave me a lot of time to think about how I wanted to live and I feel like I’m mostly there now. Life is really being kind to me with Alec. She love sand wants me to be happy. I never imagined before this past the canvas. Life will make you be a part of it and if you let it you can enjoy it. When you enjoy it you will find a new way to be creative.

La Gama

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We all just want to make good work and make a living at it. A forest of paper and canvas with skies full of clouds of inspiration and rivers of coffee and tea. The spirit animals of many a mind are in the nail bed tapping on the walls as silence is madness.

I loved this so much. It is the big new piece I made before this show in January. I have so much work always but it never feels like enough. I imagine that is normal.

I am a space rock

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I wash in the middle of thinking about this day and I got sidelined. That happens some times. I get in the groove and then something reminds me of my Marley and I’m taken back. I don’t know that I’m ever going to be … great. I don’t know that I really want to be. Alec is so wonderful and she sees me drift and helps me when I come back. I have this way with me that wants to be here but is traveling through my timeline. That pain is my own personal magnet. It is a planet and I am a space rock. I’m working on living better in the now than being lost in my time.

 

I’m proud of this one. I feel like I’m getting so much better each time. Also all most at 100 subs. Please subscribe if you enjoy my videos. When I reach 100 I get my own personal web address rather than that long generic one they give.

later

Jaws

 

 

All the brush strokes are worlds

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My demons are big. They are faceless and yet look like me every time I look in my dirty mirror. They have made me a hell of a fighter. I remember being a kid and not knowing how I felt about sadness and anger. I remember they just came on one day. It had nothing to do with the people who were around me over even the place I was in. I was the prisoner on Avalon and no one would ever be able to see.  It was a labyrinth and I learned to paint sunshine and flowers on the walls and make it my home.  I learned to be happy and calm without depending on others. Learning how to be creative without the sadness was the hardest part. The pain was my drive and when it lessened I felt like a fraud for a bit. I don’t know how I changed out of those robes. Nakedness is a good word. It was the definition of how I felt until I grew to love my nakedness. So raw and so tender like a 20-year sunburn.  I stopped being Jae Jae and let myself be Jawara. I grew my hair out again and let myself be who I felt like on the inside, a new outside. The journey of a painter guys is not an easy road. it never really gets to be an easy road. But it is so deep and empowering once you hit the ground and make your mark.

Painter files: Fireflies on the moon

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We all want to be an indie song. We want to be a secret favorite of everyone that no one knows is really popular. That is my nature. To make these huge statements with ink and paint and not give deep long answers to what they mean at all and just let you think about them and make up your own narrative but I would love to secretly read chat room arguments on what it means to you conflicting to the screen name across the world. I daydream about the day when I’m so busy someone sees me on the street and goes “wait is that , that guy who did that painting?”  I want to be the atom in the scarlet. I didn’t come up with that I heard it in a song from a movie but it stuck with me and my mind ran with it. That is what I want to be with paint. A song in your head.

So much making

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I’m at this point where the pain is huge but I want to paint more then I want to rest and rub painkiller cream on the fun bits.

This rocking chair is like a base drum. As the beat hits, I am dancing in my blinks Light bulbs are the rhythm as I move in this motion to the cahone.

 

El pintor is greater than stupidity.

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I feel like this is where my heart took me. That is felt the yellow ink in the paper and let it dance in the fibers. It was a freedom dance. I know the roads we walk as painters are long but in the soberness, they are also completely freeing. We are so much more than the brooding. It is a big part of it, don’t get me wrong but not the main part of it.

I realized that I shine because the people around me are so bright. I like to think we are each other’s lifelines. We have to be there for each other. Just know I have your back and hopefully you have mine.

 

All the makings

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I make because I love. lol Sounds like pooping.

 

Inktober

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Inktober is a game we illustrators play in the month of October. 30 days of ink illustrations.

My first illustration I have chosen to do is, El Santos. He reminds me of my Grandma. We used to watch wrestling together as a kid. She would yell and scream and throw things at the tv. It still lives in my mind as a great past time.

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Deeper in the inks video

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