Always making
I love comics. I always have. I love how they take your mind on trips and how the art makes you transform as you take it in. It has a perfect quality to it. I hope my art has that effect. My lines change your reality a tiny bit. That textures are now important to you. That you see somehting new and amzing and it makes you think of one of my paintings. I know that is silly but that is how I feel from reading comics after all these years.
I have been making for longer then some of the artist I have met in the last year. I have paintings older then a few of them and their talent blows me away. I’m not in anyway wanting to be the big fish in the small pond. I like finding equals. They push me to be better. Everyne needs the push…if you don’t have a hero…you are not looking hard enough. Drugs show you the inside but never really the outside.
I guess what I learned this year so fare is the art world is bullshit and the artists are the lessons. Galleries will not give you gifts of inspiration…..flyers for artists website on corkboard are the main vein……keep making kiddos.
I met great people…so many great people. I feel a new kind of inspiration. 
Finding focus in the new year.
I had to stop watching the news for a few days to find my focus. The newspaper I feel has more heart to it. Being able to put it to words has a strength to it, a passion. I remember being a kiddo and finding these “choose your adventure books” in the 80’s. After I would finish them, I would feel superpowered with creativity. I would draw all the things I had imagined, most had nothing to do with what I was reading. It’s funny to read a dictionary and imagine a new comic book. Â To see a new world inside and to be able to make it a real thing.
Once there was a boy and he loved paint. It was all his heart wanted and then he met people and he became a time painter.
We all just want to make good work and make a living at it. A forest of paper and canvas with skies full of clouds of inspiration and rivers of coffee and tea. The spirit animals of many a mind are in the nail bed tapping on the walls as silence is madness.
I loved this so much. It is the big new piece I made before this show in January. I have so much work always but it never feels like enough. I imagine that is normal.
A lot of things going one this month coming up. I’m really hoping it all works out perfectly.
Mostly just trying to figure out what I want to teach.
I wash in the middle of thinking about this day and I got sidelined. That happens some times. I get in the groove and then something reminds me of my Marley and I’m taken back. I don’t know that I’m ever going to be … great. I don’t know that I really want to be. Alec is so wonderful and she sees me drift and helps me when I come back. I have this way with me that wants to be here but is traveling through my timeline. That pain is my own personal magnet. It is a planet and I am a space rock. I’m working on living better in the now than being lost in my time.
I’m proud of this one. I feel like I’m getting so much better each time. Also all most at 100 subs. Please subscribe if you enjoy my videos. When I reach 100 I get my own personal web address rather than that long generic one they give.
later
Jaws
My demons are big. They are faceless and yet look like me every time I look in my dirty mirror. They have made me a hell of a fighter. I remember being a kid and not knowing how I felt about sadness and anger. I remember they just came on one day. It had nothing to do with the people who were around me over even the place I was in. I was the prisoner on Avalon and no one would ever be able to see.  It was a labyrinth and I learned to paint sunshine and flowers on the walls and make it my home.  I learned to be happy and calm without depending on others. Learning how to be creative without the sadness was the hardest part. The pain was my drive and when it lessened I felt like a fraud for a bit. I don’t know how I changed out of those robes. Nakedness is a good word. It was the definition of how I felt until I grew to love my nakedness. So raw and so tender like a 20-year sunburn.  I stopped being Jae Jae and let myself be Jawara. I grew my hair out again and let myself be who I felt like on the inside, a new outside. The journey of a painter guys is not an easy road. it never really gets to be an easy road. But it is so deep and empowering once you hit the ground and make your mark.
jaws_blake 